Bullying Is Wrong!

[Aquarius]

During a discussion on Twitter last night, one of my Tweeps pointed me toward this blog post: My Son Is Gay. It's about a little boy who dressed up as Daphne from Scooby Doofor Halloween and the trouble that ensued.

What outraged me the most was that the problems came from adults who should know better!

Any way, I wanted to share the story. It confirms my suspicions that many times the bullying behavior is learned from asshat parents.

If any of you blog, Tweet, whatever, please share the story and keep the awareness going any time you hear it. Unfortunately social pressure is the only way to change this sort of thing, be it in terms of getting the government to do something or just sending a vibe of "not cool!" to those who may otherwise engage in the behavior.

[Honeybee]

I read about that situation, and it is sad.

Parents of children who display non-traditional gender behavior face so many challenges, not the least of which is the judgment of other parents.

This is a fantastic article about transgendered children, which is balanced and thoughtful and really indicates why the parents need support rather than pointed fingers because there are no easy answers.

A Boy's Life


It's on a much smaller scale, but my friend's five-year-old son was at pre-school and the boys were given orange visors and the girls pink. Her son wanted a pink visor and came home crying because the teacher said it was wrong for boys to wear pink. My friend marched down there and told that teacher that her son could wear a pink visor and there was nothing wrong with it.

Now, her son could be gay. He could be transgendered. Or he could just like pink (he lives in Connecticut and is around a lot of preppies.) It doesn't matter. You don't shame a child.

[Aquarius]

Here's the thing that's tripping me out:

A costume choice or a color preference is being treated like something that's going to somehow seal their fate for the rest of their lives. Put the kid in a Ramones tee shirt; it doesn't make him a punk rocker any more than a Halloween costume or a pink visor defines his sexuality or his gender identification.

And what about all the men who've made a lot of money by putting on dresses? Benny Hill? Flip Wilson? Martin Lawrence? Jamie Farr?

And about Jamie Farr--I grew up watching MASH when it was in production. My mom loved it, both sets of my grandparents loved it. Klinger was my favorite. And--remember, I was just a tiny kid when the TV show premiered--it never once occurred to me to question the character's sexuality. To my young mind, he was just a guy who liked to wear dresses. I understood that he did it because it was silly (though I wasn't yet old enough to understand that the show was taking place in the 1950s--the non-authentic 1970s hair and makeup didn't help that!) and if the Army thought he was silly enough, they'd send him home.

Now here's the crucial thing, which proves that kids learn this stuff from their parents: not once did my mom or grandparents explain to me, even when I was older, about homosexuality or the conception that people who were gay or cross-dressers were somehow "sick." So even as I learned about these concepts, it never occurred to me think that there could be something wrong with it. Yes, I was aware that there were boys who liked boys. I was aware that there were girls who liked girls. And I was aware that there were boys, like Klinger, who liked to wear dresses.

It wasn't until I started talking to other children on the playground that I knew so many other people felt otherwise. And I thought they were insane. Can you imagine some of the arguments I got into? "If a boy wears dresses, he's gay." "Nuh-uh, what about Klinger?" Unlike the other children, I hadn't been conditioned to have those preconceptions.

So I guess in some weird way, Jamie Farr's beloved character was an accidental role model for me.

What do we learn from this? That parents should make their kids watch MASH? I don't know. But I do know that children can be raised to not have these biases against other people--even when they're raised by people who DO have those biases--because I lived it.

Don't get me wrong, no one in my family is a raging homophobe or hater, but they are products of their generations, sharing the attitudes and misconceptions of their times. They don't get freaked out at the drop of a dime--my mom especially, who is a product of the 1960s--but, let's just say that if I brought home a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend, my church-going grandma and I might have to have a talk first. She loves me and it would be okay, but it would definitely challenge the way she thinks the world ought to work.

[JiNX-01]

I agree, Aquarius, no one should ever make comments they know will make anyone feel bad about themselves.

But I also have a question:
Why does your Twitter friend think the kid is gay? Just from what you've written, it appears he's pretty young so he shouldn't be sexually active.

[JiNX-01]

It's on a much smaller scale, but my friend's five-year-old son was at pre-school and the boys were given orange visors and the girls pink. Her son wanted a pink visor and came home crying because the teacher said it was wrong for boys to wear pink. My friend marched down there and told that teacher that her son could wear a pink visor and there was nothing wrong with it.

One of my newspaper colleagues stopped in a bar near our job after work one night. He was wearing a pink shirt. Someone had issues with seeing a man wearing a pink shirt. He was told to leave and not come back -- even tho' he had been in this place many times before, while wearing various "manly" shirts. The guy is completely straight. He has kids and ex-wives. It was completely ridiculous!

[Aquarius]

My Tweep doesn't think the kid is gay. I don't even know the person who wrote the blog post; my Tweep just sent me the link.

It started when another Tweep posted a link to a story about a preschooler in Sweden who got stabbed in the neck with a butter knife by another kid, because he "looked gay"--the stabee apparently likes to wear pink a lot. No skin was broken, but the school didn't even contact the parents, they had to find out about it from their kid when they saw the bruise and asked where it came from.

So the discussion ensued, between about four of us, and one of the other ladies supplied the link to the story I posted. If you read the article, it's the Scooby Doo fan's mother saying basically that maybe her son is gay, or maybe he isn't, but either way that's her kid and she loves him, and he should be free to dress up however he wants for Halloween without a bunch of nosy and overreactive hausfraus sitting in judgment.

[Destinye]

And I'm always going to say Bullying's wrong. Been there, still suffering the after effects.

On the subject of being homosexual, or bisexual, My best friend is Bisexual (with a homophobic mother. Now that's not good), Two of my online friends are bisexual, (one of them has a girlfriend. I don't find anything wrong with that) and a possibly homosexual cousin. People at school always use 'gay' and 'lesbian' as insults to people, but I don't understand what can be wrong with it? People should be able to do what they want, right?

And of course colours shouldn't matter. I know a few of my fellow kickboxing members like 'purple' and 'pink' it doesn't make them homosexual. And even if, it isn't until people reach around my age that they start to work out their sexuality. Or, at least, in my school it is.

Another cousin of mine likes wearing pink shirts. He isn't homosexual. It's ridiculous that people think that certain colours are for girls, and certain colours are for boys. I mean, I don't even like 'girl colours'

[JiNX-01]

OK, I went back and read the entire blog.

I would have told them to stay away from me and my family. And they'd better not say one word to my kid.

[Destinye]

I still need to read it fully...

[tish]

We have dealt with similar challenges in our small town school environment. I am lucky that as a teacher, I was able to keep my eye on any situations that might arise, and most of these children grew up together, so if there was bullying, either the teachers and parents were on top of it very quickly, or, even better of a solution, the other children put a stop to it before it got out of hand.

Most prejudices are brought from the homes, I agree. What I have found is that the younger generations, those in school in the 90's and 00's are very open-minded, group oriented, flexible in others' life choices, easy-going about living arrangements for themselves and their peers. Generally less judgemental than any other group I have ever taught, or at least more verbal about supporting differences, as long as others also support them in THEIR choices and differences. It is a quid pro quo world they support and seek.