I am currently writing a TnT story - that's the reason I am posting this subject in the TnT section. In that story T'Pol's friendship with Archer is going to play a part. (It also deals with Trip's friendship with Archer to a lesser extent).
I have a specific view of T'Pol's friendship with Archer and because I encountered many other views of this friendship, I thought it would be nice to discuss.
My view has been colored with my experience some years ago as I worked in an international organization. I come from a small European country and I noticed that when people met me they had a certain view about my country that colored their view of me. Talking about their views and prejudices doesn't work. I tried to offer them my friendship and let them judge me of what I am - not what they think my country is. (If they wanted to know more about my country, I would gladly tell them more).
For me, T'Pol had the same strategy. She is the only Vulcan on the ship and she knows prejudices would die hard. So she is offering Archer her friendship. Archer reacts in kind and appreciated the offer. However, the relationship is the same like I would have with a colleague - you could tell stuff about your home situation (I have a parents meeting this afternoon), but never would you share information that effects you personally (I got a fight with my husband and I am feeling depressed).
I also don't think that Jon is really interested in T'Pol's Vulcan background or that he understands Vulcan culture. This makes it very hard for T'Pol to share personal stuff (I don't think she wants to, but if she would), because her deepest struggles are connected with her being Vulcan.
So Jon and T'Pol have a professional friendship, they respect each other and try very hard to maintain their friendship. I also think T'Pol understands a great deal of the struggles Jon is facing as captain. But there is always this distance of which they are both happy with and it never gets really really personal. I don't see Jon telling T'Pol about his frustration as a captain or T'Pol telling him about the strained relationship she has with her mother. I do see her talk about this stuff with Trip, even it would take her a lot of time and slow adjustments to share that personal stuff with Trip.
What do you think?