the delphic expanse

We all know that the UT didn't always work as expected, right? That's why they needed Hoshi. Well, I work on two different versions of speech recognition software that are alleged, as my sister would say, to speak and understand doctor. Yeah, right! I'll be posting some of the gems as I edit them. Hope it will provide you a laugh when you need one.

On a discharge summary for a male patient, discharge instruction #5 was "See Alice as needed."

There's two issues here:
1. If the gentleman doesn't stop at Walgreens and get some "Cialis as needed" first, then to go "See Alice as needed" probably isn't going to do him any good. It sure as heck won't do anything for her!
2. That kind of suggestion is illegal in most states.

That's outrageous! Thanks for sharing.

So we have another discharge summary. According to the speech recognition engine, discharge instruction #8 was: "The patient was encouraged to continue dying." Damn, that doc has all the bedside manner of Phlox in the MU.

Now what he really said was, "The patient was encouraged to continue dieting." Of course, if you ask the patient, she may not think that there's much difference between the two.

Sometimes you have to wonder whose "engrams" (I think that was the term used for how Dr. Daystrom programmed the ultimate computer in TOS) were used to program the speech recognition engine.

Yesterday morning I had a little toddler in urgent care with a cough and congestion. According to his history, he was "advised to drink alcohol during the day" with "wrist restraints as needed." Just what is this kid into? Does DCFS know?

What was actually going on was that "the father has been giving the child Tylenol during the day" and he has a history of "recent otitis media." (That would be earaches.)

Yep, there was some serious "kink" in that translation!

Thank you for the laughs.... keep them coming!

You have the seeds of a good Failblog website there, Glory!

We have a little boy in pediatric surgery. According to speech recognition, the operation was "working pixie." What the little guy actually had done was "orchiopexy." For those who don't know, that's bringing a testicle down where it belongs and anchoring it there.

So following this surgery, he's much more likely to have a "working pixie" when he grows up and some pretty girl drops her robe.