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Your very own deleted scenes-thread

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Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby panyasan » Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:15 pm

I am working on a new chapter of a story and had written a very nice scene. However, I felt the scene distracted from the story line and took it out. Later, part of that scene I used again, because my beta commented that the scene needed a little more.

I got me thinking.

I think we all have scene we love and like, but take it out, for many reasons... This is your chance!
This is your very own deleted scene-thread, for all those scenes you love, but never fit in a story and we like to read! :cheering :writer
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby lfvoy » Sun Dec 16, 2012 5:38 pm

That reminds me of this blog post about keeping a delete file for all your work. Sometimes I find the best stuff in my delete files.

Here's one for a very early story idea I had, right after I started writing ENT fanfic. The entire premise of the story turned out to be very weak, though, so in the end I abandoned the fic.

The slightest of touches ignited a fire between them.

Despite hours spent meditating on the topic, she had never been able to determine the flames' origin. But, nonetheless, the sensation existed. T'Pol dared not touch Trip where others could see, and he had learned the same thing. It was too risky.

But in private, she was drawn to the fire like an insect to light. The only consolation was that she clearly wasn't the only one suffering from this predicament.

They lay curled in his bunk, breathing returning to normal, at first just barely touching. The time had been wrong for talking or tenderness earlier, but now she gave in to the urge to run her fingers through his hair.

Trip closed his eyes and made a soft sound of pleasure. "That's nice."

The sensation was most satisfactory for her as well. She rarely indulged these post-coital impulses, but tonight the flames had burned hotter than usual and embers still remained.

He captured her hand and brought the fingers to his lips, eyes still closed. "It seems like I say this all the time, but that was incredible. Somethin' special going on?"

"I am not aware of anything."

"Mm." He drew her into his arms, and she could hear drowsiness in his voice. "I'll sleep well tonight. Stay?"

"I'm afraid I can't."

His eyes opened, though the hand drawing circles on her back didn't stop. "What's up?"

"I'm meeting with the captain later. He wishes to review the sensor data from the trinary system we passed today."

Trip's hand stopped. "That can't wait until tomorrow?"

In truth, she had not thought to ask. The captain had seemed most enthusiastic; in fact, she'd gotten the impression he was reluctant to even wait until after dinner. She'd have worked through the evening meal hour itself had she not already made a commitment to eat with Trip.

Unfortunately, their hands had touched halfway through the meal. She'd pulled hers away immediately but the spark had already been lit.
Bridge looks a lot different from here. Think anyone would mind if I fired a torpedo? -Travis Mayweather, "Cold Front"
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby panyasan » Sat Dec 22, 2012 1:53 am

I like the idea of T'Pol not wanting to touch Trip, because of all the emotions it provokes. Vulcans are touch-telepaths, so that would make sense. In your story you seem to take it to another level, they are in a relationship and having trouble "to keep their each off each other" so to speak. It was an interesting start and I liked to read it. Thanks for sharing!
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby Brandyjane » Sat Dec 22, 2012 10:56 am

I liked that Ifvoy! Thanks for sharing, and thanks for creating this thread, Panyasan!
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby jespah » Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:44 pm

If I could do it all over again, I would have pulled rank and gotten a human woman, but we were all far too polite and they were all so deferential and, while it’s good to be the captain, it’s also sometimes maddening.

Back in 2154, we were thrown back in time. We hit 2037, long before the Xindi weapon was invented, let alone built.

Our mission became not only to stop the Xindi, but to be a generational ship. Twenty-two women and fifty-eight men began to circle each other; everyone wondered who would be the first to blink.

First Kelly and T’Pol, and finally down to Socorro and O’Day, and suddenly, they were all taken.

I was the bachelor captain, amidst a few dozen other guys with no one. We bided our time and wondered if there would be anyone, ever. And then we saw her.

Her ship was trapped in an anomaly. She was Ikaaran. She had a kind of a notched bridge to her nose.

I must’ve been overeager. I recited poetry, brought flowers from the Botany Lab and had Chef make her his closest approximation to Ikaaran cuisine. When we found a yellowish metal, I got Tucker to fashion it into an engagement ring. It was too big, but that was apparently all right.

She thought I was funny, and charming and take-charge. She lamented my smooth nose but I guess that was okay for she fell in love with me anyway.

But she never told me that Ikaarans live less than fifty years. She was over thirty when we met. I had no idea that we would only have thirteen years together. Lucky? I suppose so, a bit.

And so this beautiful woman, with eyes like coal and her lips were like a ripe strawberry and a smile that could have lit up San Francisco – she is cold and lifeless and lying in a repurposed torpedo tube, and when I give the order, her body will be shot off into space.

And our son, he and I will go on, until I join her, for there will be no one else. And when I look into his face, I will see eyes like coal.
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby panyasan » Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:56 am

I like it! Nice insight of the world of E2. I liked your voice of Jon and had to smile when he was trying very hard not to stay the only bachelor on the ship. This could be a good stand alone or maybe the beginning of a whole new story... Thanks for sharing. :cheering
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby jespah » Wed Dec 26, 2012 12:07 pm

Thank you very much. I've been working on E2 for a while - Jon (and a lot of other people) fights clinical depression. And then the Ikaaran women come along (Esilia's not alone, after all), and suddenly the Botanist gets very, very busy making bouquets. :)
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby panyasan » Thu May 09, 2013 3:37 am

I remembered I still had this little story, a story I never published, because when I wrote this on a forum a long time ago, people didn't like my Trip in this story. Hope you still like it....(and yes, not beta-ed at all). It's Amanda Cole-Trip story, but actually a TnT-story. :lol:

My name is Amanda

She had washed and dried her hair. She was doubting what to wear, but in the end she chose a shiny black top and trousers. She had a feeling Trip liked when she was dressed like that. She brushed her hair, till it shined. Eye liner, brown eye shadow and mascara was next. Perfume. She brushed her teeth. Finishing touch : rose-red lipstick. She looked in the mirror with approval. She looked good.
She felt a little bit nervous about tonight's date, but she said to herself there was nothing to worry about. Things looked good. Really good.

When she met Trip Tucker for the first time, she forgot her prejudices against Starfleet. He was a charming, good looking man, with a warm personality and a real gentleman.
It was easy for her to get in contact with him.When they discovered that they came form the same part of Florida, know the same schools and even the same people, they had a lot to talk about. They both had lost people in the Xindi attack.It opened the way for him to speak freely about his sister and the lost that he felt.

The only thing puzzling about Trip was the medical treatment he received from the science officer, a Vulcan. Rumors about those two were flying around. She was a bit curious about the so called Neuropressure, but she thought nothing of it. Vulcan were cold and without emotions, so T'Pol would be like a clinical doctor. She was so happy to be a warmblooded human women.

But when she asked Trip to give her a lesson in Neuropressure, she was surprised that it was more like a massage and involved a lot of touching. Not that she did mind that kind of treatment from Trip, but weren't Vulcans almost allergic for touching? In any way, she didn't care about any Vulcan, the session of Neuropressure he gave her felt good. She slept great afterwards. Trip liked being with her, as he did of the kiss she gave Trip at the end. He looked surprised, called it unexpected, but was grinning when she said he could expect more.

This session could be the beginning of something good! During the training sessions they naturally trained together. They laughed together when T'Pol wasn't paying attention and got knocked at the floor. So much for Vulcan superior strength and fighting techniques.

At the end of the last one she had asked Trip if they could met again, after work. “'Sorry, Amanda, I got an appointment with T'Pol," he explained.

“Maybe when you are finished”, she smiled at him “I would like that."

“I love to, but I can't promise anything. But I could see you at breakfast”, he said and smiled back at her.

Life was good. Trip was definitely interested in her.

But he didn't show up after the session. And he spend his breakfast with T'Pol. Trip was so involved in his conversation with T'Pol, he didn't even greeted her. If the signs of his obvious attraction to her hadn't been so clear, she would have thought something was wrong.

Trip joined her for diner later that day and asked her on a date for tomorrow night. Of course she agreed. He looked at a bit grim and serious when he asked her, but it had been a very stressful day at the ship.

During the day she run into Ensign Ann McRae, the blabbermouth of the Science Department. “You are such a lucky girl," Ann said. “Commander Tucker especially went down to the Botany Department to get some flowers. You know how rare real flowers are on a space ship. They cost a fortune! Most guys just get the flowers from the replicators”.

And now, this lucky girl was waiting for Trip to arrive. He arrived right on time, showered and shaved. She could smell his mild aftershave when he entered. She always liked a man to be on time and taking care of himself. He had three real roses with him and a box of chocolates. They weren't very original gifts to give a girl, but she appreciated the gesture. She admired the roses and put them in a little vase. "This is going to be a great date", she thought.

Two hours and fifteen minutes later

She grabbed the flowers from the vase and handed them over to him. “Take your stupid flowers and go!”, she said coldly.

Trip looked at the flowers like he never had seen roses in his live before. “What am I supposed to do with them,” he stammered.

“I don't know, eat them. Put them in your quarters for decorations! Give them to your precious Vulcan friend! You deserve each other!", she shouted.

Two hours and fourteen minutes before

She gave Trip a kiss on the cheek to thank him for the flowers. “Thanks, they are lovely”, she said.

The kiss seemed to make Trip very uncomfortable. He stepped away from her. That's strange.

“You know, I have heard these flowers are pretty special. Some one from the Science Department told me you got them especially from Botany. I think everyone in the Science Department knows about our date," she continued.

“Good," he said, looking very pleased.

“I don't think that any one in this gossip-ship doesn't know about our relationship. I expect a lecture from Hayes any second," she laughed. Trip didn't smile. He looked at bit tense now. She never had thought that Trip Tucker could be nervous about a date with her.

At diner she talked about what happened during the day. Trip said nothing. Normally the conversation between them went very smoothly. It was one thing she liked about Trip. But instead of talking Trip played with his food and seemed very much in thoughts. She tried to engage him in conversation.

“So how was your day? You look tired."

He looked up. “Rough day,” he said. He seemed to have lost his tongue.

“You know, I really like those Neuropressure sessions, but only with you. Maybe after diner?” she started again.

Trip sighed. “I not really in the mood for sessions,” he said. He didn't seem to be in the mood for anything.

“Well, you do a better job then T'Pol. My back still hurts from her treatment."

That got his attention. “T'Pol is better in these sort of things than I am. She is Vulcan.”

“Seemed to me T'Pol isn't so able. She nearly paralyzed me,” she exaggerated.

“She hurt you?” he asked, now very interested in what she had to say.

“I don't think she intended to hurt me," she smiled.

Bitterly he responded “No, T'Pol never intends to hurt any one.”

She was a bit of guard by his remark. He was definitely not happy with T'Pol.

“It was a interesting experience to talk to her. I sang your praises of course”, she said with a smile. She was on his side. “I told her how much we have in common and get along and that we talk about everything."

He didn't respond, but she could see he wasn't very happy about what she said. She closed the subject, why spend time on talking about T'Pol?

They continued talking about other things and he seemed to have returned to his normal chatty personality.

After they finished the meal, she asked him if he would like some dessert. They enjoyed their ice cream together, but Trip went more silent again.

She decided that they could watch a movie together. She settled next to him on her couch. She could feel him tensing up, when she came near. So she kept some distance, wondering what was going on.

After a while he relaxed. She shoved nearer. His breathing had become stronger and turned into a little snoring sound. He had fallen asleep.
At another time, maybe she would have feel flattered that he felt so at home with her.

But his behavior had annoyed her all evening. She rose up to turn the movie off. The sudden movement made him wake up. “You have fallen asleep, Trip”, she explained to him.

Groggy Trip opened his eyes. “Sorry, T'Pol”, he said to her.

"I am sorry too, mister Tucker", she said, ice in her voice.

Trip realized he said something wrong. “I mean..sorry I have fallen asleep. Engineering has been very busy," he muttered. When she stayed silent, he added “And there is nothing going on between me and T'Pol."

“It would be strange if there was something between you and T'Pol. I mean, there is something between us, the whole ship knows that, not between you and the Vulcan”, she said coldly.

“We are friends," Trip said, in a defensive tone.

“Well, great that you are friends," she responded, then she suddenly realized his face was telling her that he didn't mean a friendship between him and T'Pol, but between them.

“We are a bit more than friends, we are dating," she stated.

Irritated Trip responded “Just because I spend some time with you, doesn't mean I am your boyfriend. Can't I have a conversation with a woman without everybody thinking the worse?”

“Well, we shared a bit more that just conversation, Trip. You gave me strong signals that you wanted a bit more than friendship. Long talks, romantic Neuropressure sessions, constant flirting and not to mention the kiss I gave you and my promise to give you some more. I didn't hear you protest then, you grinned like a idiot”, she said, immediately wishing she had shut up. But she wasn't stupid, he was.

“Why do women always blow up things?” Trip spatted. “You always make simple things way too complicated.”

“Look, if you are angry with T'Pol, don't take it out on me”, she became more and more angry with him.

“I am not angry with T'Pol!" Trip started to raise his voice.

“You could have fooled me," she said sarcastic.

“I don't have to fool you or any one about my relationship with T'Pol. It's none of your business”, he grumbled.

“I see”, she answered. Her eyes felt on the flowers. “So what was so good about the fact that the whole Science Department knew we were dating tonight? To make that cold fish jealous?”

“T'Pol is a great person, one of the best officers we have,”Trip responded. "Don't talk about her in that way."

She had been in this situation before, dating a guy with his heart still with the ex. Not again.

“At least I know now where your priorities are,” she said, walking to the flowers. She took them handed them over to him. “Take your stupid flowers with you and go," she said firmly. Trip looked at the flowers like he never saw anything like it in his life before.

“What am I supposed to do with them”, he stammered.

“I don't know, eat them. Put them in your quarters for decorations. Give them to your precious Vulcan friend! You deserve each other!” she bite back.

“Look, eeh, it's going out of hand”, Trip started. “You are reading too much in this. Let's call it a night and I will see you in the morning. Keep the flowers." He walked to the door. "Goodnight."

She suddenly realized that he hadn't mentioned her name all evening.

“Goodnight who? So, what is my name?” she asked in her sweetest voice. Trip turned around. She saw him thinking, but clearly his mind was completly blank at this moment. He had forgotten her name. Totally.

So when she kicked him out the door, remembering to lie through her teeth and tell any one at Enterprise she had a great date, she whispered in his ear “My name is Amanda."
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby Brandyjane » Thu May 09, 2013 6:00 pm

I remember reading this before. I liked it then, and I still like it now. Trip's not perfect. No one is. While I don't think he would be intentionally use Amanda if he thought it would hurt her, I can see him trying to make T'Pol jealous. After all, jealousy is what led her to start something in the first place, and he knew that. My own thoughts about what Trip was probably feeling after the breakfast scene is different than this, but I still think that the way you wrote this is a perfectly valid interpretation. I'm glad you posted this. I've always enjoyed your writing.
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Re: Your very own deleted scenes-thread

Postby panyasan » Fri May 10, 2013 3:07 pm

Thanks, BrandyJane! I think the reason this scene is still a deleted-scene, is the fact that I also felt that Trip in the scene is different that the Trip I imagine from the show. I got the idea from some guys on a forum, they were saying that if they had been Trip, they would asked Amanda on a date and forget about T'Pol. Now I can imagine that the idea also has slipped into Trip's mind, but I don't think he would actually do it. My guess Trip knew that their time together meant more to T'Pol than what he gathered from his words. (Not that I didn't like the fact that Amanda is taken charge at the end of the story!)

I have written twice about Harbinger and I didn't even like that episode. I didn't like the whole jealousy-angle. Now I can imagine a Vulcan being jealous, it's a powerful emotions and Vulcans have proven to have very strong emotions when it comes their choice of partners. They whole "claiming your partner and even killing an opponent" are good indications of that. But it's a pity we don't see T'Pol reacting as a Vulcan in her jealous ways, she comes across as not so likable jealous Human woman. And that conversation at breakfast didn't help in that respect.

Now when I first heard the breakfast conversation I interpreted T'Pol's words as "talking about a general thing, while everybody knows you speak about something specific". For me, she was saying two things: that she had been attracted to Trip for a long time and that she didn't want him feel that he should make any commitments, probably because she thought Trip didn't want to. I didn't get Trip's response of "experiment" or "lab rat".

To my surprise lot's of people thought the same thing as Trip. It does make T'Pol come off very cold and I seriously wonder if that was what she really wanted to say at breakfast.
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