Date: October 09, 2012 01:59 pm Title: Chapter 12
What a great end! It was really a good idea to let us know about the "talk" between Jon and Malcolm's POV and you resolved their issues very nicely. Great end to a great story.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I hoped the end would be thought appropriate and I hugely enjoyed writing this story. Thank you for all your reviews!
Date: October 09, 2012 01:52 pm Title: Chapter 11: Archer
I admire Phlox for having the courage to speak out to the captain. Without knowing, Jon is lead by his emotions many times and hurting the people loyal to him. Of course Jon has reasons to feel hurt by Malcolm's past, but as a captain he shouldn't have let his hurt rule him. I am glad Jon has some revelation of what he has done and I am looking forward to the final chapter.
Date: October 04, 2012 07:06 am Title: Chapter 10: Reed
What a nice chapter. Malcolm back with Trip and Phlox who take real care of him. This was really a nice, warm moment of friendship between Trip and Malcolm and to a lesser extent Phlox and Malcolm.
Malcolm is shocked by his experience and wanting to transfer away from Enterprise, because he thinks he failed being loyal. The irony is that he just passed the test for loyalty. Very well done.
Date: October 04, 2012 07:01 am Title: Chapter 9: Reed
Amazing chapter! The first paragraph is brilliant as Malcolm admires the artillery barrage as a real Armour specialist would do. Your descriptions of the chaos of the battle field is very well done. The feeling of being seen as a traitor stills stings with Malcolm. In all the choas I thought that Malcolm thought of Jon, but a paragraph later I realized Jon in on the batlle field screaming for Dickon (who is he?) and then suddenly we have Klingons. This is such a great image of what happens in Malcolm's head and the war games that's being played with him. The Klingon bit really works. Excellent chapter!
Date: September 29, 2012 09:06 am Title: Chapter 12
The last chapter really felt like it was coming from Phlox. The words you used, the sentence structure, etc. all seemed very "Phlox" to me. I really enjoyed this story a lot, and I hope you write some more.
Thank you very much indeed for persevering with it. It was a lot of fun to write. And yes, there are other stories to come!
Date: September 22, 2012 08:28 am Title: Chapter 10: Reed
This chapter has a great ending! As hard as it was, Malcolm needed this test. I don't know if he is ready to accept the truth, but he is a good man!
I doubt if Malcolm will ever give himself the credit he deserves, he expects too much of himself and is therefore damned never to live up to his own expectations.
I'm glad you enjoyed the ending though! :D
Date: September 22, 2012 08:24 am Title: Chapter 9: Reed
I found it a little confusing when all of the sudden Jon and Klingons were on the battlefield, but I don't think that confusion is a bad thing. I actually think my momentary confusion played nicely into the chaos of battle and the confusion Malcolm was feeling.
I realize now that your setup with Jon questioning Malcolm's loyalty was extremely important to this story. It seems to me that the fighting itself wasn't the real test for Malcolm.
I wanted to convey just how disoriented Malcolm had become by this point. I did have doubts about it but on balance it seemed to work so I included it. Thanks for your comments, because it's reassuring to read that it elicited the reaction I wanted it to.
Date: September 07, 2012 05:21 pm Title: Chapter 8
If Trip were here he’d probably be able to codge up some kind of communications device from a crossbow and three hairs out of a horse’s arse...- Hilarious!
Malcolm's reactions and inner dialogue seem very realistic to me.
I really appreciate your taking the time to comment and I'm pleased that you think I'm doing a good job so far with Malcolm's POV. I have to admit that this line made me smile when I was writing it, it seems very much the sort of thing Malcolm would think!
Date: September 06, 2012 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 8
This is a great chapter. I like how you mix dry humour and the tension before going into a battle. I especially liked the scene when Malcolm puts on the armour of the king. It gives you a real feel how it must have like in the 15th century. Also you feel Malcolm's mixed emotions (confusion, determination etc), very well written.
There were two lines that stood out for me, one in the first paragraph when Malcolm thinks that Trip would build a communication device from a crossbow and three hairs of a horse (so funny) and this one "At last he was finished, a man of metal gleamed in the candlelight" (wonderful poetic sentence).
Loved how at the end you go back to the traitor theme from the first chapters and how you make that a factor in Malcolm's decision to fight.
Very well done.
Thank you for your kind remarks, I'm glad this chapter worked so well for you!
Date: September 06, 2012 04:26 pm Title: Chapter 7
It's so nice to see the emotions Archers is having and the care of which his thoughts and actions speak are well done. Without admitting, Jon sees Malcolm as a good friend and I am glad this chapter shows that side of Archer.
I don't think Malcolm's 'betrayal' would have hurt half as much as it obviously did if Archer hadn't regarded him as much as a friend as a junior officer. I think a hurt like that would take a long time to heal, and that's what I've tried to portray, but the feeling of friendship has survived, although scarred.
Date: August 31, 2012 04:18 pm Title: Chapter 6: Reed
It is just fascinating to read this history from Malcolm's point of view, and to read it from the point of view of the "bad guy's" side.
Thank you for your kind comments, and i'm glad you're finding it so interesting. It's a fascinating period of history, and a tribute to the effectiveness of Tudor propaganda that even more than 500 years later Richard III is still labelled as 'the bad guy'! LOL!
Date: August 29, 2012 01:22 pm Title: Chapter 6: Reed
After the last chapter I googled to find more information about the battle and Lord Lovell. Very interesting. I was curious how you would protray Richard III - his image is so colored by what his enemies made of him. I liked your description of him a lot. Also the difficulties Malcolm is facing being in the Middle Ages and before the battle: great job!
Thank you once again. Richard's character was very effectively assassinated by the Tudors after his death and has remained so till this day. I've tried to straighten the record a little!
Date: August 24, 2012 11:59 pm Title: Chapter 5: Reed
This is great! I love Medieval times, one of my favorite parts of history. I think it's wonderful that Malcolm "plays" a part in that time. I liked the way you introduced us to this time: the clothing Malcolm has to put on and the armour he sees, there were all nice touches. Also liked the flashback with the traitor-theme. Very exiting, I can't wait to read to rest.
This was written in response to a challenge, and I had an enormous amount of fun writing it. The Wars of the Roses are one of my chief subjects of interest, so it was pretty inevitable that poor Malcolm was going to end up there!
Thanks for reviewing, as always!
Date: August 21, 2012 08:33 am Title: Chapter 4: Reed
You're doing a great job of building the tension. I like how you give us little details like the voice of the Hev'shori without going too far in your descriptions. You're giving enough description to set the scene without taking away from the atmosphere of the story. The Hev'shori sound pretty scary with the helmets and the hive voices. (I have a theory about them, but I won't say what it is because if I'm wrong I'll feel really dumb!)
Thank you, it's good to read that I succeeded in what I was trying to do. I find that overloading detail tends to bog the story down, so I try to keep it measured.
Date: August 21, 2012 07:15 am Title: Chapter 4: Reed
Great, wonderful chapter from Malcolm's POV. You could feel the tension Malcolm is experiencing. Jon's words have hurt Malcolm bad. Great to see Phlox taking care of him and Trip by his side.
It's always seemed to me that Malcolm values the captain's good opinion more than pretty well anyone else's. I don't think he would have been able to cope with this situation well at all, and that's primarily what I've tried to convey.
Date: August 21, 2012 12:01 am Title: Chapter 3: Archer
I think Jon makes a mistake by not showing up when Malcolm leaves. I am glad he feels remorse about his outburst, but again he lets his own feelings cloud his jugdement thinking that Malcolm doesn't want to see him. As a captain he should have showed up and it would help to mend the fences between them. I really liked that T'Pol helped Malcolm by meditation and I am sure Malcolm would really appriciate her support. I found it very interesting that you have given us three chapter from Archer's POV, yet we seems to learn so much how Malcolm, T'Pol, Trip and even Phlox are dealing with the situation. Great work.
It was a difficult call - to show or not to show! Personally I thought 'not to show' was more tactful, Malcolm would have been stressed enough without having to see the Captain again so soon. At least, that was how I saw it.
Thank you for your compliments, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story!
Date: August 20, 2012 08:49 am Title: Chapter 3: Archer
I'm glad that Jon is feeling some remorse for his words to Malcolm in the previous chapter. I don't want to smack him anymore. It reminded me a little of what happened in "Cogenitor," when Jon delivers his angry speech to Trip. I understand what Jon is feeling, and he has every right to those feelings, and he probably did need to say what he said - but he went about it all wrong! And that's exactly what would happen in the show, so your characterization is perfect.
I also like that T'Pol offered to show Malcolm some meditation techniques. That sort of logical compassion is just right for her.
The only thing I don't like about this story is that I don't have another chapter to read right now! ;)
I think Archer was a bit too ruled by his heart a lot of the time, but I do think he was put in a terrible position in Cogenitor. Trip really had no excuse for what he did, he was warned and still went ahead. Although I understand his motives I think Jon's response was quite appropriate, their relationship would have been badly damaged by this incident.
Hopefully the moderators will get the rest of the story up fairly soon - I've uploaded it, so the rest is up to them! :D
Date: August 19, 2012 12:48 pm Title: Chapter 2: Archer
On one hand I understand Archer, but on the other hand: I wanted to smack him over the head for letting his OWN hurt feelings rule him. The pain this causes with Malcolm is very clear - for me as outsider. But still at the end, Archer's mistrust is so very clear that even when Malcolm obviously is distracted by the door control, he still think that maybe it's just a act by Malcolm. Very good chapter!
Yes, I wanted to slap him too, but that happened a few times during the series, so it didn't seem that out of character! :D
Date: August 18, 2012 01:21 am Title: Chapter 1: Archer
Great start! The idea of this story is very creative. I think Archer is a bit too distrustfull toward Malcolm, but I guess his hurt feelings play a great part in his response. I really liked you started with Archer's POV instaead of Malcolm's. We're probably going to see a lot more what's on Malcolm's mind. Can't wait for the next chapters!
Thank you. I've always thought that there would be repercussions from the break of trust between Jon and Malcolm, and this was my take on it. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, anyway!