Date: August 07, 2012 09:18 pm Title: Chapter 2
You wrote a realistic and sensual scene. The room Hoshi choose fitted well with the mood you tried to create. With this story you tried something new in your writing and I applaud you for the result. Well done.
Thanks panyasan! I am glad you enjoyed the story and I was really trying to get the mood across to the reader. I am glad that it came across.
Date: March 22, 2012 05:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
A original place to start. Of course our waterpolo-captain loves to swim. I am not surprised Hoshi likes to swim as well and is very good in it. Both are surprised to meet each other outside work and it makes them think about their roles. Nice to see they are so attracted to each other without knowing the other is too. You always write Hoshi/Jon so well.
Thanks Panyasan! I am glad that you are enjoying the story thus far!
Date: March 16, 2012 12:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
What a delicious beginning!
Using the time they are doing the laps to hear their thoughts about each other worked well, and shows well how being distracted can hurt a swimmer's speed and coordination. The back and forth POVs between the two of them as they swam worked well, giving the impression of the rhythm of the race as well as emphasizing their competition. Loved the bet they came up with!
Given the context that John thinks Hoshi is out of his league, it makes sense that Hoshi is the one who (apparently) is taking the initiative for whatever you have planned for the next chapter.
Very well written and entertaining. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Thanks Kathy Rose. I am glad that you are enjoying the story. I always enjoy seeing Hoshi come out of her shell and show people what she is made of!