Date: March 05, 2012 03:20 pm Title: Chapter 2
Very nice! I'm so glad you did a Hoshi POV for this story. And they way you ended it gives hope for a better, happier future for both Hoshi and Jon.
I went back and read the first chapter again before starting this chapter, which helped put a lot of things in perspective and explain a few things that I'd forgotten about. Malcolm's protectiveness, for one, and how they interpreted what smell could still tell them. Throughout it all, the story was totally believable in how the characters were dealing with their emotions and the situation. Very well done.
Hoshi seeking out T'Pol for help, and then Hoshi's realization that T'Pol had had a traumatic experience was a good twist.
I'm so glad you wrote this chapter!
Thanks Kathy! I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed tying the two chapters together to become one cohesive unit despite the fact that they are told from two different points of view.
Date: March 04, 2012 08:18 am Title: Chapter 2
The first chapter was a great story on his own, so I wondered if a second chapter could add something. It sure did. I really liked your voice of Hoshi, making her a real person of flesh and blood. Her story adds a new and heartbreaking layer to chapter one and explains more about her actions in the first chapter. It becomes a new story. The scene with Malcolm was very touching - he shows he's a very good friend for her. I also liked the interaction with T'Pol - I always wanted to see more of their dynamic and nice tie in with T'Pol's own horrible experience. The first chapter ended in a heartbreaking goodbye, you mention this as well in this chapter. But now you end with a more hopefull note: Hoshi finally opening up to Jon and trying to tell her story. She will find a listeng ear with him.
Thanks Panyasan, I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. It was nice to have the other side of the story tie everything together. It was a very heartbreaking story.
Date: March 03, 2012 03:52 am Title: Chapter 2
This was amazing. The first chapter was good, but the second simply blew me away. I was in tears by the end. Beautiful.
Thanks Kylah, I am glad that you enjoyed this chapter. I am also glad that I was able to evoke tears. I was aiming for trying to get across the heartbreaking nature of the whole situation.
Date: October 26, 2011 10:50 pm Title: Chapter 1
this is soooo very sad, and realistic in the storyline provided on screen....another episode for us to wish had been a reality in STENT.
I do understand Hoshi's withdrawal....and in my mind it is NOT drawing away from Jonathan because of not wanting him, but rather of being so sad to have to say goodbye to their baby, and acknowledging that she would have been happy with this man she so adores.
Being with Malcolm is also a real possibility, since he can protect her, and they do have their own special chemistry.
Very well done, all around.
Thank you Tish. I am glad you enjoyed the story and you must be clairavoyant. Wait till you read the companion piece I am working on and you'll see exactly why Hoshi is withdrawing!
Date: October 21, 2011 02:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
I didn't care much for the episode Extiction, but if it had been something like this, I would have loved it.
This story is gripping. That's the right word of this wonderful story. You painted Jon's and Hoshi's struggle very well. I liked how T'Pol is trying to help Jon and how Trip just offers a listening ear. But the beginning and the end of this story is the best. So heartbreaking beautiful, with the details as Hoshi talking to the child and Jon's farewell to the baby. Brilliant story.
Thanks Panyasan. I appreciate the sentiments and the review!
I am glad that you enjoyed the story. It was not fun to write as I didn't enjoy the episode. I felt there was so much more the writers could have done with it.
Date: October 21, 2011 05:55 am Title: Chapter 1
Darn if you didn't make me cry there at the end, Artisticmom. That was so well written, starting out with such angst and winding up bittersweet. I liked that you started after the fact, that this situation had already occurred, even though it wasn't on screen in the episode. I think that was something that could have happened.
You really made me feel for Jon. He needed to talk to Hoshi, didn't want to order her to talk to him, and realized that she wouldn't talk to him even if he did order him. Trip showing up with the bottle to help him talk was a lovely touch, something a friend would do.
Colonizing the alien world with human inmates sort of reminded me of Austrailia being used as a penal colony for England. But I wonder if the colonists will retain their memory of being human. That, however, isn't important to this story. :)
Normally, I don't suggest followups or sequels, but this story almost begs for another from Hoshi's POV. Why doesn't she want to talk to Jon? Is Malcolm merely a person to whom she can commisserate, or is there something more?
Great story! Thanks for sharing it with us.
Thank you for all the high praise. This was not an easy challenge to write for as I did not enjoy this episode. But I think that what came out of it was fairly plausable and EntAllat was invaluable in pointing out places to improve the story line.
I, too, was reminded of Australia as the story fleshed out. You are also not the first person to suggest a sequel from Hoshi's POV. When more then one suggests it... it must be so! It'll be fun to explore Hoshi's side, and as Charles Kuralt says, "...the rest of the story."
Date: October 21, 2011 05:03 am Title: Chapter 1
Heavy stuff! And a great, brilliant idea for an alternate story. Very, very compelling to read.
Thank you Honeybee! I normally don't enjoy writing anything this angsty but I can honestly say that the story ran away from me and showed me where it needed to go. I am glad you enjoyed the ride.